When I was in Marine Corps Jr. ROTC back in TN I received the nickname of Mama Bird from some cadets as I loved to take care of people. The name grew as did the responsibilities alongside it, I brought it upon myself to always look out for the cadets, it was how I fit into the unit. As a senior who was only a Lance Corporal (3rd lowest enlisted rank) I couldn’t do much, while all the kids my age were the highest ranks, had the highest positions, and ran the unit. This is how I was able to feel responsible, have a place, make a difference. Still 2 ½ years later I am apparently remembered by some. When I came out as trans to one of my closest friends who was in ROTC with me, she asked if I didn’t want to be called that anymore. I told her no, because that is still me, it’s still a part of my past, it is and always will be a thing that happened. Go ahead and call me Mama Bird if you so wish. The fact that it is a female connotation does not invalidate my masculinity or my gender, to me it was a role I took on and that will never change.
In 2012 I shipped off to boarding school, residential treatment to be exact. It was all girls, in one house, 36 of us to be precise. To me, this is where I found my footing with being transgender, I always kind of felt like the man of the house, although I never voiced this. The whole time I was there I took care of bugs (spiders and cockroaches especially), I found ways to keep the girls laughing, generally being stupid and making a fool of myself, did idiotic shit that really only a guy would do, helped with heavy lifting, and made sure to hold the doors when I could. My personality shined through, and In time, looking back, I was coming through as a guy, even if I couldn’t admit it. The fact is, I went to treatment, and I went with a bunch of girls, and that won’t change. Without the program, I honestly wouldn’t have figured out this quickly (or maybe at all) nor would I have come out this soon, when it comes to being transgender.
Just because all my old school work has my birth name on it, just because all the childhood stories were when I was presenting as a girl, just because I have pictures of me in a dress, does not mean I will hide it. It doesn't mean it never happened, I fully embrace the fact that for 18 ½ years of my life I presented as female. I fully embrace the fact that I had a life, that things came just by my biological sex, and I will not deny any of it. I will not invalidate it. Your past shapes you, it shows how you’ve grown. I am damn proud to be transgender, I will scream it from the rooftops. My past, shows me, as a person, not necessarily a girl. I will speak openly and honestly about my past, always.
